Married Life Ain't Easy!

The man and I officially started our no spend month. I'm hoping it will alleviate some of my stress and help bring us to the road of financial freedom.

A lot has been bothering me lately. I'm a little home sick and yet slightly annoyed. I'd love to go home and visit the fam for something other than a wedding or a holiday but it's just too expensive. During our wedding, people from all over told me that it's easier for us to go to Detroit or South Africa than it is for anyone from SA or Detroit to come to us. I call bullshit on that one. Right now, we're saving to go to my cousin's wedding in Detroit. It's something we actually have to save for because we're two young kids who don't have disposable income. We're just trying to make ends meet and establish ourselves.

Married life ain't easy. It's even harder when you live a bazillion miles from your parents and you've never met your in laws. There's a lot of unnecessary pressure.

Does it get easier?

Wordless Wednesday - Seasons of Love Edition

Dating...

Married...

... not much changes.

January - Cervical Cancer Month

January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month. Did you know that? Probably not. Did you know that cervical cancer is one of the least known about cancers?

WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT CERVICAL CANCER???

Whew, that rant is over. But, really, let's talk about cervical cancer.

Shan from Last Shreds of Sanity has a great post about cervical cancer- it's quite in depth and I highly recommend reading what she has to say as a survivor.

What are the risk factors for cervical cancer?

Most cases of cervical cancer stem from the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) but smoking, immuno- suppressant drugs, HIV, Chlamydia, Diethylstilbestrol (DES), and family history are all common risks factors.

How do I get screened?

The best thing you can do is get a PAP smear. You may have HPV and not know it. The longer you wait, the more dangerous HPV can be.

What is HPV?

As Shan writes "It is a very common virus. There are more than 100 types. About 15 types can cause cervical cancer. Some types cause warts on the fingers or feet but do not cause cancer. Other types cause warts in the genital area that are not cancerous."

Check yourself before you wreck yourself, people. That's all I'm saying.

For more information, head to Cancer.org.

The Mom Look

Do you have have days where you feel like your outfit is lacking and your hair sucks? That was me yesterday. I tried something "different" with my hair. I blew my hair dry with smaller round brushes and used them as makeshift rollers. So, my hair was big. Well, not 1980's big but big for me. I hated it. Everyone at work loved it.

Lately, I feel like I'm in a funk with my clothing and with my hair. A few weeks ago, I told the man I felt like Velma from "Scooby Doo" and he took that as a compliment for me. Needless to say, when he called me his "Velma" a few days later, I did NOT take it very well. He didn't get it.

I felt like this Velma:

Not this one:

I feel out of my element with clothing lately. I've always been a fan of fashion and I'm usually fairly fashion conscious. Lately, I've acquired the "mom" look. I'm not sure what that means but rather than looking like a hip 20-something, I resemble a "mom".

Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with looking like a Mom if I had kids. But I don't have kids. Unless you call Cecil and Sparky "children" as opposed to my "fur babies".

I'm in a rut. Any suggestions? (Shopping is not a suggestion)

Avoid the Mall Trap!

In this economy, everyone is concerned with stretching their dollar to the max without having to compromise too much when it comes to your every day lifestyle and wardrobe. Stores like H&M and New York and Co. make maximizing your budget a little easier - even if navigating through the store is a bit harder. Every store plots their layout at least six months in advance before you see what’s available. Their layout makes it really easy to over-spend and blow your budget. Before you shop, here are some tips to avoid that will help you avoid in-store traps that can lead to over-spending when looking to upgrade your wardrobe.

Before you begin your shopping spree, think about what look you want to achieve or what you want to add to your wardrobe before walking into the store. If you’re only looking for work out pants at H&M, there is absolutely no reason to walk into the lingerie department. The same can be said for shopping online where it’s even more tempting to add something to your basket from the accessories department when you were really only looking for cute ¾ length leggings for the gym.

So far, this seems easy, right? When you begin your shopping journey, don’t walk around the store. Several laps around the store, looking at every single item you don’t need or want, will only make you tired and irritable, not to mention you will probably pick up a few items you don’t want which will help blow your budget. Think like a man - get in, get out. Keep the idea of what you’re looking for in the forefront of your mind and go searching for it. If you’re looking for a sassy new outfit for work, you probably don’t want to search for it in the section created for evening attire.

Logically, you think “but there might be a shirt that would go so well under this blazer in another section!” We’ve been trained by stores to believe that we can find items to mix and match in other departments. While it’s true, it’s also a good way to over spend. Stores like Forever21 organize their layout based on genre of clothing and then it goes by color. They make shopping easier for customers in that respect but they also overload our senses by jam packing their store with too many things to choose from. Avoid the trap and ask for help. When your senses are overloaded, it’s best to take a step back, find a clerk and ask where you can find something before you walk around and pick out six t-shirts you don’t need or want.

So, you’ve got an idea of what you want and what you’re looking for - you know the layout of the store like the back of your hand and you think you’ve avoided all the traps but there’s one more trap left. Accessories. You can find accessories that match your outfit without a problem - it’s the hidden accessories that cause your budget to collapse. These are the accessories that are “hidden” in plain sight - at the counter. If you’re looking for something specific - a large beaded necklace to go with your black tunic; a chunky ring to offset your skinny jeans; or a pair of tall boots - don’t go for the knitted hat at the register just because you “think” it might go well with a coat you had in mind to buy for next month. Picking up random things that don’t go with the outfit you’re looking to create will cause your wallet to deflate.

Shop smartly - know what you want before you go searching for it. Can’t find what you want in the store? Go to another one. There is no harm in walking out of a store or looking at another website if you can’t find what you want.

Scapegoat - this is what it feels like

Over the last few weeks I've been seeing my name appear in the press. Ellen DeGeneres is NOT knocking on my door to hear what I have to say BUT many people are saying I'm not American and should renounce my US citizenship while others are telling me to leave Israel because I clearly don't care about the State of Israel. Where would I go? Canada? Probably not.

Today, I game across a blog post about me that really just bothered me. Feel free to read the post if you wish but it's a bunch of bologna. Seriously. This experience in the press taught me that I became a scapegoat for a cause the media created. I became the poster child for a cause that has no meaning. My name is being associated with all that is evil with the State of Israel. Rather than propelling the country to change how it handles marriages and marriage licenses, anti-Israel groups are saying "see! The State of Israel hates it's own!"

I wanted to be the face of what happens every day here in Israel when you try to get married. I wanted to put a face to the problem of religious in-equality in the country that I love so dearly. I wanted to show the State of Israel that it needs to change - no longer can you tell someone that it's OK for them to die in battle as a Jew but they aren't Jewish enough to get married.

Instead, I feel like I brought shame to my family.

This is the first time that I cried about this issue since we went to the Rabbanut in the first place. I let myself down. I let others just like me down. The media used me for nothing.

I will make two things clear:
1) I am a Jew - no matter what anyone says.
2) I have never and will never use my family heritage to make myself popular or famous. That's what my political career and published books will be for.

I lost friends because of this and, in all honesty, they weren't really my friends to begin with if they chose not to stand by my side. In reality, until they go through what I've gone through and what others just like me have gone through - they'll never know how terrible it feels to be in limbo.

In Israel, when you're going to get married, you have lessons with the Rabbi or a his wife (or a member of the community). They teach you how to be a good spouse - you can lean on them for support. A friend of mine will be married at the end of December and I am envious of her relationship with her marriage teacher. With all the other issues the man and I had to deal with while getting married - I needed someone there to hold my hand. Someone who understood. I didn't really have that. My friend is lucky - she has her mentor to lean on. I got to sit back and watch my husband's heart break as he walked down the aisle with his great-uncle instead of his father. I watched him sit quietly as my family was buzzing around me during our rehearsal dinner and he had no one there but a few friends. When my make up artist wanted to kick him out of the room so it'd be a surprise when he saw me for the first time - I said "Haim, where's he gonna go? The lobby?"

I needed that older Jewish woman to cry to. My family both in the US and in Israel didn't understand what we were going through. Regardless, some moron decided to write a post about how I am dissatisfied with the system. He's partially right - I am dissatisfied. The system itself is in place for a reason and I respect it - I am dissatisfied with how it was handled. I am dissatisfied with the people they put in positions of authority who can't read English or Russian - two of Israel's main languages. I am dissatisfied with the lack of accountability. This is not what David Ben Gurion envisioned and Theodore Herzl is rolling in his grave right now. This is supposed be the home of the JEWISH people. The home for Jews who seek refuge. I sought refuge and then was told I wasn't Jewish enough.

Television... how I love thee

I'm catching up on my television shows. I love TV. I love it more when I can watch it on my computer. I also love it when there are TV shows out there that make me feel good and happy. Among my favorites: Parenthood, Mike and Molly, and Hawaii Five-0.

I'm not the biggest Scott Caan fan - he was kind of a douche on Entourage ... and everything else he's been in. You know who I do like? Alex O'Loughlin. You may remember him from the Jennifer Lopez film... wait, what was the name of that film? Ahhh well, no worries. If I wasn't married - I'd high tail it to LA and stalk him or Jason Segal. Granted, there's a clause in marriage that states if you're trapped in a room with one of your "five" - you can go for it. Wait, that may not actually be a clause in marriage. I think I saw it on Friends. It SHOULD be a clause in marriage.

Anyway, Mike and Molly is my "feel good" show. There's nothing like watching two people fall in love on screen. There's something very believable about these two. Maybe it's Mike's daftness when it comes to dealing with women. Perhaps it's Molly's big heart in wanting to trust a guy who has no reason to hurt her. Regardless, I REALLY love this show. It's kind of realistic. Kind of.

My other favorite show: Parenthood - a modern take on the classic movie. The reason I love it - it IS realistic. It reminds me of my own family. The fighting, the issues, the slip of the tongue and someone's business becomes everyone's business... it's really JUST LIKE my family.

What are YOUR favorite shows? Are you gearing up for Black Friday? Stay tuned, I have some great coupons headed your way for Black Friday and Cyber Monday...